| Etiquette...Simplified |
When planning a wedding there are certain questions that seem universal to every couple. To no surprise,
most of these questions concern wedding etiquette. What about the registry? Must we invite Uncle Fred?
Can’t we make Uncle Fred pay for his own booze? The number one thing What makes a wedding special are
traditions. And sometimes those traditions mean sticking to the rule book a little bit.
Here are some common questions:
Do I have to invite my sister-in-law to the shower?
I hate to break the news to you but it is customary to invite your sisters-in-law as well as your mother-in-
law to your shower.
Who should host the shower? Can my sister do it?
No. Traditionally, a wedding shower was a party, the whole purpose of which, was to “shower” you with
gifts. It should not seem as if your family members are soliciting gifts for you. Even if your sister is helping
with the planning or it’s being held at her house, a bridesmaid or friend should be listed as the hostess.
I’m worried people won’t know where I’m registered. Can I place a registry card in with the wedding
invitations?
Allow to tell you now- NO. It's never okay to mention anything about gifts in your wedding invitations. It
just seems greedy. Including registry information—even on a separate card—implies that in order to attend,
a guest must bring a gift. Your bridesmaids and/or close relatives can spread the word about the shops you've
selected.
It is, however, standard practice to have your shower hostess list the stores where you have registered on
those invitations.
Is it true I have a year to do the Thank You notes?
Don’t we all wish that were true. The standard limit on thank you cards is three months after the wedding. If
you need help, ask a friend or your mom to step in with the addressing and stamps while you write out the
notes.
A friend of mine just started dating someone new. I would rather not invite her but my mother says
I have to include “and date” on the invitation. Is this true?
Sorry singles, but it’s not true. You're expected to invite the spouses, fiancé, live-in partners and serious
beaus of your guests only. If you are not sure how serious it is ask a trusted friend about someone's dating
status. Having said that, I guarantee at least one or two of your single pals will call and ask about bringing a
“friend”. If they do, tell them that you don’t have room for any extra guests. If they refuse to come without
a date, then so be it.
We are worried about uninvited guests. Should I hire a bouncer?
This is your wedding day and this is not something you should have to be worrying about. Being a wedding
crasher or inviting an extra guest to someone else's wedding is extremely rude, so don't lose sleep over
offending these people. If it becomes a problem cite maximum occupancy laws or tell them the bar has
closed (sorry Uncle Fred). If that does not do it, get the groomsmen to assist. It is one of their particular
honors.
I know my Friends in Montana won’t be able to make it to the wedding. Should I send them an
invitation anyways?
If you want people to know about your wedding- send them an invitation. Even if they can’t make it they
will know you were thinking of them. If you are not inviting them because you are trying to cut cost,
consider printing separate cheaper invitations for those who are on your ‘maybe’ list.
I have a few friends that have kids. Do I have to invite the kids to the wedding?
No. You can make it an adult only event. However, some of your friends may not attend. If you’re
worried about the fit throwing nephew, you may want to try restricting the age to none under five. Please
keep in mind once you open up the guest list to kids outside of the wedding party, you've got to invite all
guests to bring their children.
Must we have a groom’s cake? What is it for?
No you are not required to have a groom’s cake. Traditionally, slices of the groom's cake were boxed and
given to guests as favors.
I want to make the reception a potluck but my sister says it’s tacky. Is it okay?
If you are having a formal wedding then a potluck reception would be slightly tacky- yes. But there are
occasions when it is acceptable. Informal weddings, such as a garden party held in a friend backyard, are a
perfect example. It is easily done. Assign each guest a specific type of food, such as a green salad, a pasta
dish, or a pie, and ask her to make enough for at least 10 servings. Depending on how many guests you're
having, you'll need to have several guests make the same type of food. Ask that all dishes come fully
prepared, but plan on reheating them.
Do I have to feed the photographer or the band?
Let me put it this way, Do you want nice pictures and good music? I’m joking of course but it is customary
to provide them with something. But that does not mean you have to offer them the same as your guest.
Think simple and portable foods.
The bar bill is going to be huge. Can we ask the guests to buy the drinks?
Guests shouldn't have to pay anything at a wedding reception. But there are ways to save some cash. Try
limiting the time the bar is open. You could close the bar during dinner and switch to soft drinks an hour
before the reception ends. If your caterer will allow it, consider buying your own liquor.
most of these questions concern wedding etiquette. What about the registry? Must we invite Uncle Fred?
Can’t we make Uncle Fred pay for his own booze? The number one thing What makes a wedding special are
traditions. And sometimes those traditions mean sticking to the rule book a little bit.
Here are some common questions:
Do I have to invite my sister-in-law to the shower?
I hate to break the news to you but it is customary to invite your sisters-in-law as well as your mother-in-
law to your shower.
Who should host the shower? Can my sister do it?
No. Traditionally, a wedding shower was a party, the whole purpose of which, was to “shower” you with
gifts. It should not seem as if your family members are soliciting gifts for you. Even if your sister is helping
with the planning or it’s being held at her house, a bridesmaid or friend should be listed as the hostess.
I’m worried people won’t know where I’m registered. Can I place a registry card in with the wedding
invitations?
Allow to tell you now- NO. It's never okay to mention anything about gifts in your wedding invitations. It
just seems greedy. Including registry information—even on a separate card—implies that in order to attend,
a guest must bring a gift. Your bridesmaids and/or close relatives can spread the word about the shops you've
selected.
It is, however, standard practice to have your shower hostess list the stores where you have registered on
those invitations.
Is it true I have a year to do the Thank You notes?
Don’t we all wish that were true. The standard limit on thank you cards is three months after the wedding. If
you need help, ask a friend or your mom to step in with the addressing and stamps while you write out the
notes.
A friend of mine just started dating someone new. I would rather not invite her but my mother says
I have to include “and date” on the invitation. Is this true?
Sorry singles, but it’s not true. You're expected to invite the spouses, fiancé, live-in partners and serious
beaus of your guests only. If you are not sure how serious it is ask a trusted friend about someone's dating
status. Having said that, I guarantee at least one or two of your single pals will call and ask about bringing a
“friend”. If they do, tell them that you don’t have room for any extra guests. If they refuse to come without
a date, then so be it.
We are worried about uninvited guests. Should I hire a bouncer?
This is your wedding day and this is not something you should have to be worrying about. Being a wedding
crasher or inviting an extra guest to someone else's wedding is extremely rude, so don't lose sleep over
offending these people. If it becomes a problem cite maximum occupancy laws or tell them the bar has
closed (sorry Uncle Fred). If that does not do it, get the groomsmen to assist. It is one of their particular
honors.
I know my Friends in Montana won’t be able to make it to the wedding. Should I send them an
invitation anyways?
If you want people to know about your wedding- send them an invitation. Even if they can’t make it they
will know you were thinking of them. If you are not inviting them because you are trying to cut cost,
consider printing separate cheaper invitations for those who are on your ‘maybe’ list.
I have a few friends that have kids. Do I have to invite the kids to the wedding?
No. You can make it an adult only event. However, some of your friends may not attend. If you’re
worried about the fit throwing nephew, you may want to try restricting the age to none under five. Please
keep in mind once you open up the guest list to kids outside of the wedding party, you've got to invite all
guests to bring their children.
Must we have a groom’s cake? What is it for?
No you are not required to have a groom’s cake. Traditionally, slices of the groom's cake were boxed and
given to guests as favors.
I want to make the reception a potluck but my sister says it’s tacky. Is it okay?
If you are having a formal wedding then a potluck reception would be slightly tacky- yes. But there are
occasions when it is acceptable. Informal weddings, such as a garden party held in a friend backyard, are a
perfect example. It is easily done. Assign each guest a specific type of food, such as a green salad, a pasta
dish, or a pie, and ask her to make enough for at least 10 servings. Depending on how many guests you're
having, you'll need to have several guests make the same type of food. Ask that all dishes come fully
prepared, but plan on reheating them.
Do I have to feed the photographer or the band?
Let me put it this way, Do you want nice pictures and good music? I’m joking of course but it is customary
to provide them with something. But that does not mean you have to offer them the same as your guest.
Think simple and portable foods.
The bar bill is going to be huge. Can we ask the guests to buy the drinks?
Guests shouldn't have to pay anything at a wedding reception. But there are ways to save some cash. Try
limiting the time the bar is open. You could close the bar during dinner and switch to soft drinks an hour
before the reception ends. If your caterer will allow it, consider buying your own liquor.
| Etiquette |
| Mrs. Coty's Weddings Washington |
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